Cowboy Health Secret December 31, 2006

A tough old cowboy once counseled his grandson that if he wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a little gunpowder on his oatmeal every morning.
The grandson did this religiously and he lived to the age of 93.
When he died, he left 14 children, 28 grandchildren, 35 great grandchildren and [...]

Singing Christmas Parrot December 31, 2006

There was a man who wanted to find the perfect gift for his wife. He went to the store and asked the salesclerk and asked him what he should get his wife. The salesclerk brought out a parrot. The salesclerk said, this is no ordinary parrot, if you light a match under it’s right foot, [...]

Nice Bike December 31, 2006

On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his shiny new bike. The cop says to the kid, “Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?”
The kid replies, “Yeah.”
The cop says, “Well, next year tell Santa to put a [...]

Three Wise Women December 31, 2006

Do you know what would have happened if it had been Three Wise Women instead of Three Wise Men?
They would have asked directions,
arrived on time,
helped deliver the baby,
cleaned the stable,
made a casserole, and,
brought practical gifts.

A White House Christmas December 30, 2006

Twas the night before Christmas and throughout the White House,Al Gore was eyeing Hillary, peering into her blouse. The Secret Service were guarding the premises with care, for a whole host of Democrats were vacationing there.
Chelsea was nestled all snug in her bed, Dirty thoughts swam around Mr. Kennedy’s head. And Bill in his sportcoat; [...]

Christmas in the New Millenium December 30, 2006

As a little boy climbed onto Santa’s lap, Santa asked the usual, “And what would you like for Christmas?”
The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a minute, then gasped, “Didn’t you get my E-mail?”

A New Christmas Tradition December 30, 2006

One particular Christmas a long time ago, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip… but there were problems everywhere. Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones, so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule. Then, Mrs. [...]

Twick or Tweat December 30, 2006

One Halloween this woman opens her door to find the most adorable little girl, with golden blond curly hair and the biggest blue eyes.
She was dressed as an Angel, and was just delightful. The woman said, “what are you supposed to say sweetheart?”
The little girl looks up at the woman and says “Twick [...]

Forgive Me Sister December 29, 2006

A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won’t stop staring at her. She asks him why is he staring and he replies, “I have a question to ask you but I don’t want to offend you.
She answers, ‘My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you’re as [...]

How to cook a Turkey December 29, 2006

- Go buy a turkey- Take a drink of whiskey (scotch) OR JD- Put turkey in the oven- Take another 2 drinks of whiskey- Set the degree at 375 ovens- Take 3 more whiskeys of drink- Turn oven the on- Take 4 whisks of drinky- Turk the bastey- Whiskey another bottle of get- Stick a [...]