Reasons Why Trick Or Treating Is Better Than Sex June 30, 2007

10) You are guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.
9) If you get tired, you can wait 10 minutes and go at it again.
The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.
7) You don’t have to compliment the person who gives you some.
6) It’s O.K. when the [...]

Top 10 Rejection Lines Given by Women June 30, 2007

10. I think of you as a brother… (You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in “Deliverance.”)
9. There’s a slight difference in our ages… (I don’t want to do my dad)
8. I’m not attracted to you in ‘that’ way… (You are the ugliest dork I’ve ever laid eyes on.)
7. My life [...]

If Resumes Told the Truth June 30, 2007

OBJECTIVETo sit in a cubicle and stare at a monitor for eight hours, occasionally looking attentive when approached by a superior.
EDUCATIONSchool: Very Expensive Major: Not Important GPA: Don’t Ask
EMPLOYMENTNETWORK MANAGEMENT (9/96-Present) Produced daily itinerary of television programs to watch. Duties included changing channels, avoiding infomercials, and staying tuned after those messages. DEBT CONSOLIDATION (4/97-12/99) [...]

It Opens at Noon June 30, 2007

At 3 AM a desk clerk at a hotel gets a call from a drunk guy asking what time the bar opens.
“It opens at noon” answers the clerk.
About an hour later he gets a call from the same guy, sounding even drunker.
“What time does the bar open?” he asks.
“Same time as before… Noon.” replies the [...]

Shopping on Rodeo Drive June 29, 2007

A beggar walks up to a well-dressed woman who is shopping on Rodeo Drive and says, “I haven’t eaten anything in four days.”
She looked at him and said, “God, I wish I had your willpower.”

Incorrect Answer June 29, 2007

Young Boudreaux applied for an engineering job way, way up north in Shreveport. A local man applied for the same job and both applicants, having the same qualifications, were asked to take a test by the department manager.
Upon completion of the test, both men missed only one question. The manager went up to Boudreaux and [...]

Running Shoes June 29, 2007

Two guys in a jungle come around a corner and meet a lion head-on pawing the ground.
One guy ever so carefully reaches into his knapsack and slowly takes out a set of Nike running shoes, never once breaking eye contact with the lion.
The second guy hisses: “What are you doing, you can’t outrun the lion” [...]

Honesty Test June 29, 2007

An office manager was sent three secretaries, equally qualified, to fill one vacancy. “Well,” thought the manager, “I’ll give them an honesty test to determine which secretary to keep.”
To this end, he gave each secretary a money bag to take and bank telling them that there was $50 in the bag. (In fact, he had [...]

Driving Through the Desert June 28, 2007

A lawyer, a doctor, and a redneck were driving through the desert when they suddenly ran out of gas. They all decided to start walking to the nearest town (which they had passed 50 miles back) to get some help.
A rancher was sitting on his front porch that evening when he saw the lawyer top [...]

Why Most Professions Are Dirty June 28, 2007

The Doctor because he says, “Take off your clothes.”
The Dentist because he says, “Open wide.”
The hairdresser because he says, “Do you want it teased or blown?”
The Milkman because he says, “Do you want it in front or in back?”
The Interior Decorator because he says, “Once you have it all in, you’ll [...]